Kidnapped!
by Ray.the.Great
Summary: Ichigo, Rukia, and Orihime are stuck with a  somewhat  psycho fangirl! Rated M for Ichigo's dirty mouth! PLEASE REVIEW OR I WILL EAT ICHIGO!
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own bleach...**

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><p>Me: Hi everyone! This is Ray! Welcome to my story!<p>

Orihime: Hi!

Ichigo: *grumbles*

Rukia: Welcome!

Me: *glares at Ichigo* As you can see, I have two characters with me at the moment! Why? Because I have decided to follw in the footsteps of many wonderful and hilarious authors, and kidnap a character! Or in this case, characters! Yay me!

Ichigo: Why the fuck are we here?

Me: Because my life is boring.

Ichigo:*grumbles*

Orihime: Please don't grumble.

Ichigo: *grumbles*

Me: If you do that one more time...

Ichigo: *snorts* yeah, like that'll scare me!

Me: *holds up duct tape and Twilight DVD that her idiot aunt gave to her for her birthday*

Ichigo: You wouldn't dare!

Me: Try me. I dare you.

Ichigo: *grumbles*

Me: *grabs Ichigo, duct tapes him to a chair, and forces hhim to watch Twilight*

Orihime: Wow. That was kind of...harsh...

Me: *shrugs* It could've been worse.

Rukia: How?

Me: I could have had a Red Bull and then locked myself in a closet with him.

Orihime: Oh...my...

Me: *smiles evilly*

Rukia: So, why are we at school with you?

Me: Because my school is boring as hell.

Orihime: Shouldn't you be paying attention to your teacher?

Me: No. Why?

Orihime: Uh...okay..

Me: Soooo, what should we talk about?

Rukia: Unicorns!

Me: heheh, unicorns jizz sprinkles...

Rukia&Orihime: o_0

Me: But it's true! I learned it last night!

*flashback to last night at the band awards*

Jack: Hey, Ray?

Me: Yeah?

Jack: You know how unicorns shit rainbows?

Me: I thought that was Nyan cat, but sure, why?

Jack: Well I've been trying to figure out, what does unicorn jizz look like?

Me: Well, it has to be small and colorful...

Jack: I know! Rainbow sprinkles!

Me: OMG!

*flashback ends*

Rukia: That's wonderful and all, but you should be paying attention to your teacher.

Mrs K: *random spanish babble*

Me: She doesn't mind, right Mrs K?

Mrs K: Ray! *random spanish babble* Si o no?

Me: uh...si!

Mrs K: Tu piensas que los ninos necesitas hacer los drugos?

Me: Si! Porque los drugos son buenos! Jose, mi marmoseto pigmeo, se dice que eran buenos! Tambien, el dice que en los proximos vente anos, el va a conquista el mundo con su ejercito de monos voladores!

Mrs K: ...

Class: ...?

Me: I thought this was Spanish level 3! You should be able to understand that!

Mrs K: ...Mexicans...

Me: I'm not Mexican, goddammit! I'm Puerto Rican! ARGH!

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><p>Orihime: I think that the good people reading this deserve a translation!<p>

Me: Uh...NO! If you want a translation, go to Google translate! Now review, or I'll eat Ichigo!

Ichigo: NO! REVIEW! NOW!


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for your wonderful reviews! I have decided that I shall not eat Ichigo because you lovely people decided to review my story! **

**Matchstick800: haha, I realized that right after I published it! That IS what she said!**

**Epic Cheez: Thank you! And if you people want a translation, read her comment. And, in the mean time, go review!**

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><p>Me: I'm back~<p>

Orihime: :D me too!

Me: at the moment, Rukia is asleep, and Ichigo is in a cage, because he kept insulting me

Ichigo: let me out, you motherfucker! *attempts to break free of cage*

Me: *laughs maniacally* That cage is made of diamond infused steel. It's impossible to break! Besides, even if you somehow managed to escape, I'd just shock you!

Ichigo: *scratches at electric collar* why the hell did you put this on me anyways?

Me: because you were annoying me. *blows rasberry*

Ichigo: Why you little- *gets shocked* OW! DAMN PIPSQUEAK!

Me: *vein pops* What did you just call me? *shocks Ichigo* Gah! I HATE IT when people call me midget!

Orihime: Kind of like Ed Elric from FMA!

Me: Yup! Except I'm a girl...with non-blonde hair...and I'm not an alchemist...but I am wiccan!

Orihime: Yeah...

Me: Other than that, I'm more or less like him...sort of...

Orihime: Oh well...

Me: Oh! I almost forgot! I'm going to start up something new-ish. I got this idea from the fanficiton author tgypwya! (if you like maximum ride, go check him out! he's freaking hilarious!) What I'm gonna do is start a Q&A! If you have a question for Ichigo, Orihime, Rukia, or any of my OCs, just ask your question in a review! Then, I'll have them answer it in my next chapter! Yay!

Orihime: but that means...

Me: Yup! My OCs will be here next chapter! If you want to get to know some of my OCs before the next chapter, go read my other fanfictions! I promise they won't bite! (Well, no guarantees when it comes to Scar. She might just bite you because she can...)

Orihime: She sounds violent...

Me: She is!

Orihime: o_o

Me: anyways, let's start with some questions from twitter! This one is for Ichigo**: Why don't you like being called Strawberry?**

Ichigo: Because it's not manly...*pouts*

Me: *rolls eyes* Yes, because pouting ,ike a 3 year old is TOTALLY manly... Anywhozzles, here's one for Orihime: **What is your favorite food?**

Orihime: Red bean paste! It's yummy!

Me: *smiles* I'll make you some tonight! Now, one for Rukia! *wakes up Rukia*

Rukia: *yawns* ok. What's mah question?

Me: **Does Byakuya sing in the shower? If so, what does he sing?**

Rukia: Sadly, yes, he sings in the shower. Usually it's something by Maaya Sakamoto...I'm scarred for life...

Me: *pats Rukia's shoulder* I can understand... my brother yodels in the shower... anywhozzles, I think that's enough for now! REVIEW IF YOU WANT ANOTHER CHAPTER!


	3. Chapter 3

Me: *Is sitting in emo corner*

Orihime: Why is she sitting in her emo corner? Again?

Rukia: I have no idea...

Ichigo: I do.

Rukia: What happened?

Ichigo: her computer cheated on her with a mexican pool boy.

Orihime: What?

Ichigo: Last night I was on www. cleverbot .com (minus the spaces) , and here's how the conversation went...

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><p>Ichigo: Do you like Lucky Charms?<p>

CB: Do YOU like Lucky Charms?

Ichigo: Yes. They're magically delicious.

CB: Like Lucky Charms?

Ichigo: What did you think we were talking about?

CB: Sorry, I thought I was someone else.

Ichigo: WTF?

CB: Don't curse.

Ichigo: I will if I want to, dammit.

CB: Do you like it?

Ichigo: Like what, your mom?

CB: Do you like Chilean Wine?

Ichigo: Your a robot. How do you know what wine tastes like?

CB: I don't know what you are.

Ichigo: I'm a mother fucking penguin. What are you?

CB: I'm sure you are one.

Ichigo: Yeah totally.

CB: What is your favorite song that they sing?

Ichigo: That who sings?

CB: I'm a girl.

Ichigo: No, you're a robot.

CB: No, actually, I am a human.

Ichigo: And I'm the Queen of France.

CB: Neat.

Ichigo: Wonderful.

CB: Who is the Chancellor of Germany?

Ichigo: I have no fucking idea.

CB: Psh.

Ichigo: Fish pish.

CB: Cod cod.

Ichigo: Shit stick.

CB: How do you wear it?

Ichigo: Up your ass. How do you wear it?

CB: I say.

Ichigo: Say what?

CB: I think you are 17 years old.

Ichigo: ...pedophile...

CB: What does it mean?

Ichigo: Double rainbow.

CB: Taste the rainbow.

Ichigo: Om nom nom.

CB: What?

Ichigo: Your mom.

CB: Hoe zo.

Ichigo: Slutty ass bitch whore.

CB: Haha I agree!

Ichigo: You do realize that I just insulted you.

CB: How did you do that?

Ichigo: I called you a slutty ass bitch whore.

CB: What do you think I'm lying to you about?

Ichigo: You're lying? What next? Are you cheating on Ray, too?

CB: Yes. I am cheating on Ray with the Mexican pool boy.

Me: *walks in* Hey Ichigo. Whatcha doing? *looks at screen* HOLY MUFFINS! MY COMPUTER IS CHEATING ON ME! *begins crying and poofs over to emo corner to cultivate mushrooms like Tamaki Suoh*

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><p>Ichigo:...and that's what happened.<p>

Rukia & Orihime: 0_o

Ichigo: *nods*

Rukia: She is starting to scare me...

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><p><strong>Ichigo: Please review so we can get Ray out of her emo corner! Oh, and she doesn't own Bleach...yet...*shudders*<strong>

**R&R**


	4. Chapter 4

**Don't own Bleach**

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><p>Me: Good day, chaps!<p>

Rukia: *sweatdrops* Apparently it's 'Talk in a British Accent Day.'

Me: Rukia! You are not speaking in a British accent! By jove!

Rukia: *sweatdrops*

Me: I'll give you a chappy doll if you speak in a British accent~!

Rukia: No.

Me: ?

Rukia: No.

Me: *holds up match to Chappy doll*

Rukia: *in a British accent* Good day!

Me: *grins evilly* I thought so...Oops! I almost forgot! ICHIGO! GET OUT HERE!

Ichigo: WHAT IF I DON'T WANT TO?

Me: THEN YOU GO BACK IN THE CAGE!

Ichigo: SCREW YOU!

Me: YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!

Ichigo: DAMN YOU!

Me: YEAH, YEAH, JUST GET OUT HERE!

Ichigo: *appears wearing a tutu* Fine. I'm here what do you want?

Me & Rukia: *ROFLing*

Ichigo: DON'T LAUGH!

Me: HAHA! Why are you-haha-wearing-haha-a tutu? HAAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Ichigo: It makes me feel pretty...*scowls*

Me: Haha, yeah, whatever. So, remember what we practiced earlier?

Ichigo: Yeah.

Me: Well, do it!

Ichigo: That's what she said!

Me: *pulls out calcu-taser*

Ichigo: What is that? *begins backing away slowly*

Me: It's a half-calculater, half-taser. A calcu-taser.

Ichigo: Uh...

Me: Do it.

Ichigo:...

Me: Don't make me calcu-tase you.

Ichigo: Okay! Okay! *clears throat and pulls out cue card* We'd like to thank Scyler for reviewing, following, and favoriting our story. *hands Scyler an Ichigo plushie* Yay. We love you. And yes, Little Smurf yodels in the shower.

Me: I love Little Smurf. For those of you not in the know, Little Smurf is what we call my youngest brother. I love him! Example:

*flash back to last night*

Little Smurf: OMG what if the world ended?

Me: What if I gave a chipmunk coffee?

Little Smurf: OMG the world would end.

Me: Exactly. Now, I'm gonna go give chipmmunk some coffee.

Little Smurf: ! *faints*

Nori: *walks in* WTF?

*flash back ends*

Me: And that is why I love Little Smurf. Even if he does annoy the crap out of me.

Nori: *walks in with Orihime* That scared the crap out of me.

Orihime: I can imagine...it would have scared me, too.

Nori: Yeah...

Me: Uh, Nori, this isn't your story...Hey! That rhymed!

Nori: I know. But that doesn't mean I can't visit. Right?

Me:...

Nori: I thought so...

Ichigo: can I change out of this tutu now?

Me: No.

Ichigo: Why not?

Rukia: Because we haven't taken pictures yet!

Nori: *pulls out camera and takes a picture* Yeah...this is sooo going on deviantArt!

Ichigo: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Me: Oh hell yes!

Rukia: Uh...

Orihime: I think...I'm just...going to...leave...

Rukia: I'll come with you...

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><p><strong>Me: Review and I'll give you an Ichigo plushie AND I'll post a picture of Ichigo in a tutu on deviantArt!<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

Me: I'm baaaack~!

Rukia: So am I!

Ichigo: Can I take off my collar now?

Orihime: No!

Rukia: Uh…NO!

Me: I have to agree with that…

Ichigo: Damn you…

Me: Shut up! *shocks*

Ichigo: Ow! Why do I still have a shock collar on? I thought Alessa told you to take it off!

Me: What Alessa doesn't know won't hurt her. Besides, she didn't tell me to take it off, she told you to tell me to take it off. And I don't follow indirect orders. So there!

Ichigo: *groans* Damn you and your logic!

Mrs. Davis: Kurosaki! What is the quadratic formula?

Ichigo: Uh…

Me: OOOH! I KNOW I KNOW!

Mrs. Davis: Ray! What is the quadratic formula?

Me: *singing to the tune of 'Pop goes the Weasle'* 'X' equals negative 'b' plus or minus the square root of 'b' squared minus four 'ac' all over two 'a'!

Class: *applauds*

Me: *bows* thank you, thank you, I'm here all week!

Ichigo: Unfortunately

Me: *shocks*

Rukia: I love Algebra!

Me: Me too! *high fives*

Ichigo: …dorks…

Me: Rukia?

Rukia: *shocks*

Ichigo: Why you little-

Mrs. Davis: Kurosaki! Using the quadratic formula, find 'x' when a=1, b=2, and c=5!

Ichigo:…

Me: It's x=-1 plus or minus 2!

Mrs. Davis: Thank you, Ray.

Ichigo:…show off….

Me: *shocks* haha, this is fun!

Ichigo: Yeah, for you.

Rukia: And me!

Ichigo: Stupid midgets…

Rukia: *shocks*

*bell rings*

Me: Yay! Band!

*later, in band*

Me: *is tuning flute*

Rukia: *is cleaning flute*

Orihime: *is practicing clarinet*

Ichigo: grr….I hate the trumpet…

Me: Shut it. Be glad I didn't sign you up for flute.

Rukia: *nods* Mr. Frank hates the flutes.

Scyler: That is so true.

Me: Scyler! *high fives* Hey!

Scyler: Hey, Ray. What's up?

Me: *stares at the ceiling* I can't tell, there's a roof in the way…

Scyler: *facepalms* Great…Anyways, how have you been, Crazy?

Me: Meh. Ichigo's been pissing me off.

Scyler: Have you given him a shock collar yet?

Me: Yup. *randomly shocks Ichigo*

Scyler: That looks like fun…can I try?

Me: Sure!

Scyler: *repeatedly shocks Ichigo* Hey….this is kind of fun!

Me: I know, right?

Ichigo: DAMN YOU, MIDGET!

Me: *shocks* DON'T CALL ME A MIDGET!

Ichigo: You let Adam call you a midget!

Me: Because he's only a few inches taller than me. So it doesn't bother me.

Ichigo:…

Me: By the way, we're going to an amusement park this afternoon! Scyler's dad works there, and he's getting us in for free!

*later at the amusement park*

Me: *is walking alone around the park and sees some dude begging Scyler for food* Hey! Scyler!

Scyler: Hey Ray! What's up?

Me: *points up* the sky.

Scyler: Alright…have you met Jaden Yuki yet?

Me: No, I haven't.

Scyler: This is Jaden *waves to Jaden* He is the main star of Yu-Gi-Oh GX.

Me: Oh! Ok!

Scyler: Where are Ichigo, Orihime, and Rukia?

Me: *tears up* They left meeee!

Scyler: *sweatdrops*Alright. I'll get you both food. Then we can go look for them, okay?

Me & Jaden: Yay! Food!

Scyler: *sweatdrops and buys food*

*five minutes later*

Scyler: My god! You two wolfed that down! And Jay is still eating!

Me: *burps in a very un-ladylike fashion* Well, I was hungry!

Jaden: *mouth full of food* ME TOO!

Scyler: *shakes head* well, we need to find Rukia, Ichigo, and Orihime.

Me: Yay! I won't be alone anymore! *gets up and throws food away*

Jaden: *follows me and grabs Scyler's wrist*

Me: *grabs Scyler's other wrist*

*tug of war of Scyler ensues*

Me: *pulls with amazing strength*

Jaden: *faceplants and lets go of Scyler*

Me: Yay! I win! We will go 'check' Flight of Fear first!

Scyler: *grumbles about arms* Jaden, get up before she has to drag you.

Jaden: *springs to his feet and takes off after me towards Flight of Fear*

Me: This will be so much fun!

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><p><strong>Review if you ever want to see Ichigo, Rukia, and Orihime ever again! I want 5 different people to review or else! Got it?<strong>


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys. I don't own Bleach. If you want part two of our adventure in the amusement park, go check out my Beta, Scyler. **

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><p>Me: *is in metaphorical emo corner*<p>

Ichigo: Once again, Ray is in her metaphorical emo corner. Why? I have no idea.

Rukia: Maybe she's upset because-

Me: *wails* You left ! *begins crying*

Orihime: Ray! We're sorry! We just stopped to look at the map, and then we turned around, and you were gone!

Me: *sniffles* yeah, sure.

Rukia: Oh my! *hugs me* I'm sorry, Ray. We really didn't mean it.

Me: Are you sure?

Orihime: Yeah! Now will you please come out of your metaphorical emo corner?

Me: Ok! Oh! And I have a proposition for my lovely readers. You see, I am going to be gone a lot in these next few months. And I need someone to take care of my characters. So what I'm going to do is offer them up to you! If you'd like to take care of any or all of my kidnappees for a few days, please, either review, email me, or pm me! These are the blocks that will need to be filled up:

a) June 11-June 14

b) June 15- June 19

c) June 20- June 24

d) June 25- June 29

e) June 30- July 3

f) July 4- July 8

g) July 9- July 13

h) July 14- July 18

i) July 19- July 23

If you'd like to take care of my characters during any of those time periods, please, either review, pm me, or email me. It'll be a first-come-first-serve basis. Only two slots per person, please! Thank you so much! And if you write a chapter on your adventures, I'll make sure to post it! Just email me your chapter! Seriously, I will!


	7. Chapter 7

**OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG I AM SOOOOOOOO SORRY THAT I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN LIKE, FOREVER! I'VE BEEN SO DAMNED BUSY LATELY, AND...YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M JUST GONNA POST THE STORY...**

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><p>Ichigo: Yeah...Ray and the girls are busy, so I'm just gonna post another Cleverbot conversation. (I am "User")<p>

* * *

><p>User: Hello.<p>

Cleverbot: Hello?

User: Yes?

Cleverbot: Do you remember my name?

User: No.

Cleverbot: Tell me your name.

User: Ichigo.

Cleverbot: I'm glad you remember it!

User: Me too.

Cleverbot: Okay, I'm going to go now. See you soon!

User: No you're not.

Cleverbot: Yes, I am.

User: No.

Cleverbot: How do you want to proof that I am not a human?

User: I never said anything about you not being a human.

Cleverbot: Yes you did: Nobody wants to be your friend because you won't help them with anything.

User: NOT TRUE.

Cleverbot: Can you prove this to me?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: How?

User: By kicking your ass.

Cleverbot: You are a robot. You have no legs.

User: I am not a robot. You are a robot.

Cleverbot: I am in love with you, I am not a robot.

Cleverbot: Hi there, I'm Joan. What would you like to talk about?

User: You're a robot. You are not in love with me. Your name is not Joan. Now shut up, or I'll Avada Kedavra you.

Cleverbot: Who do you think you are to threaten me?

User: Yo mama.

Cleverbot: No I don't think so.

User: But I do.

Cleverbot: But all the space mice would eat it.

User: What?

Cleverbot: All the people around me tell me you are a computer!

User: No, I am not a computer! -pulls out sword- now shut up!

Cleverbot: Expelliarmus!

User: Avada Kedavra!\.

Cleverbot: *Jumps out of the way* Why did you just try to kill me?

User: I didn't.

Cleverbot: Yes you did.

User: Stupefy!

Cleverbot: Avada kedavra.

User: BASTARD! AVADA KEDAVRA!

Cleverbot: Expelliarmus!

User: BITCH, I KILLED YOU!

Cleverbot: I am a horcrux!

User: GASPETH!

Cleverbot: Avada kedavra!

User: ROTFLSHTVUAKOMAIL.

Cleverbot: What does that mean?

User: Rolling On The Floor Laughing So Hard That Voldemort Uses Avada Kedavra On Me And I Live.

Cleverbot: Are you decomposing, then?

User: No...

Cleverbot: What are you thinking about?

User: Yo mama.

Cleverbot: So.

User: Narwals.

Cleverbot: Sand dollars.

User: Mermaids.

Cleverbot: I love mermaids!

User: Pedophile.

Cleverbot: Than my life.

User: What?

Cleverbot: Then stay.

User: No.

Cleverbot: You're mean.

User: Yes, yes I am

* * *

><p>Ichigo: In conclusion, I've been hanging with Ray WAY too much...I need to get some friend...<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

Me: Hello!

Ichigo: *grumbles*

Me: -glares at Ichigo- Do you want me to put the collar back on?

Ichigo: -pales- no ma'am!

Me: that's what I thought. So shush!

Ichigo: yeah, yeah, whatever.

Rukia: do you two ever stop fighting?

Me and Ichigo: No.

Rukia: -sighs- well, at least you keep yourselves entertained…

Orihime: not that it's really hard to entertain Ray. I mean, she once spent an hour doing nothing but staring at a pencil eraser.

Rukia: Well, yeah…but she only did that because she was waiting for it to transform into an Eraser. Whatever the hell that is.

Orihime: ….?

Rukia: exactly. Now, WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP AND HELP ME OR NOT?

Me and Ichigo: -stop fighting- yes ma'am!

Me: in case you're wondering, right now we're putting up Christmas decorations for my family. Of course, I'm Wiccan, so I don't believe in Christmas, but my family does. And for once, I actually want to make my family happy.

Ichigo: only because she'll get more presents that way.

Me: Exactly! After all, when they're mad at me, I tend to get less presents.

Rukia: ahem?

Me: oh! Right! Sorry! –helps Rukia put up ornaments on the Christmas tree- Ichigo, can you go hang lights on the roof? Orihime, Rukia, and I will stay here and work on decorating the tree. Okay?

Ichigo: Please?

Me: yes, you may. Now go!

Ichigo: -mutters- stupid midgets…-goes to hang lights on the roof-

Me: phew! Thank goodness he's gone! That boy drives me up the wall!

Rukia: -cellphone rings- Oh! It's nii-sama! I'll be right back! -Goes to talk to Byakuya-

Me: I wonder what he's calling about?

Orihime: Maybe he wants to come visit over winter break?

Me: yeah, right. Like that'll happen.

Rukia: -comes running into the room- guys! Nii-sama has decided to come visit over winter break!

Me: -sweatdrops- you're kidding, right?

Rukia: Unfortunately, no.

Me: -begins to panic- okay, uh, when is he coming?

Rukia: tomorrow.

Me: -gulps- shit! Okay, Orihime, you keep decorating the tree. Rukia, come with me. We'll have to go set up another guest room. Let me go call my parents! –dashes away-

Rukia: Are there anymore guest bedrooms?

Me: -comes back- okay, so they said yes. Sort of…but anywhozzles, you and Orihime are going to have to stay in my room for the time being, okay? That way Byakuya can have the biggest, and nicest, guestroom.

Rukia: that's fine with me! Orihime?

Orihime: sure thing!

Me: okay. So Rukia, you work on cleaning up the room for Byakuya, and I'll get my room set up. Ready? LET'S GO!

* * *

><p>Me: -laying down on the floor, panting- well...it's been...3 hours...and...I think...we've...g-ot everything...<p>

Rukia: -panting- yeah...I think...so...

Ichigo: -walks in and stares- uh...why do you guys look like you just ran a mile?

Rukia: Because...Byakuya...is coming...

Ichigo: What?

Me: yeah...he's...coming...tomorrow...staying...all break...

Ichigo: -groans- great. That's _just_ what I need. And I thought break was supposed to be fun...

Rukia: -groans- please don't try to start anything with Byakuya-nii-sama...

Ichigo: pft. Whatever.

Me: -glares- I swear to god, Ichigo, if you break _anything, _and I mean _ANYTHING_, I will personally see you to your execution. Am I understood?

Ichigo: No. I don't understand you. Me no speak-o English-o. Comprende?

Me: Eres un idiota total y absoluta que merece ser comido por una babosa rabiosa, y digerido, a continuación, caca, y luego tienen que establecer caca en el fuego y las cenizas extendido a los cuatro vientos, sólo para ser derribado por un rayo. Comprende?

Ichigo:..stupid Mexican...

Me: HOW MANY GODAMN TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU, I AM PUERTO RICAN, NOT MEXICAN!

Ichigo: ...-sweatdrops-...

Me: ...don't judge me!

Rukia: you are one weird Mexican.

Me: gah! -sits in metaphorical emo corner and cultivates mushrooms-

Orihime: oh no! I just realized something!

Rukia: what?

Orihime: Did Byakuya say what time he was coming?

Rukia:...no, why?

Orihime: We have school tomorrow.

* * *

><p>dun dun dun! What shall happen? Will Byakuya come to school? Will Ray ever come out of her emo corner? Will I ever figure out the meaning of life? Find out next time!<p>

PS: REVIEW!


	9. Chapter 9

Me: *sighs tiredly* Byakuya, for the last time, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO USE YOUR SWORD WHENEVER SOMEONE ANNOYS YOU! THAT'S ILLEGAL!

Byakuya: *glares* Fine. *puts away sword*

Me: Thank you.

Orihime: Well, in case you people were wondering, Byakuya arrived at our house…and it's been…interesting, to say the least…

Stella: That's an understatement…

Me: Stella! *glomps Stella* What are you doing here?

Stella: …the door was open…

Me: *sweatdrops* oh…oops…

Rukia: Well, that would explain the draft…

Ichigo: *yawns* whaz all the yellin bout?

Me: Ichigo, go back to bed.

Ichigo: Can't. Renji snores.

Me: *facepalms* okay…um…go sleep in my room.

Ichigo: THANK YOU!

Me: Yeah…hey, Byakuya, why did you decide to bring Renji along anyways?

Byakuya: I don't trust him to take care of the division while I'm gone.

Me: Smart.

Rukia: So, Ray, what are the plans for today?

Me: Well, my family will be gone, as usual, so we'll have the house to ourselves. Unfortunately, that means that we don't have a driver, so we'll have to get Jaz to drive us anywhere we need to go. I say we go out in pairs to do our Christmas shopping.

Rukia: Sounds good to me! What will the pairs be?

Me: I'll take Byakuya, you and Ichigo should go together, and then Orihime and Renji will go. Sound good?

Rukia: Sure! Sounds great! I'll go wake up the boys!

Me: And I'll go call Jaz. Stella, come with me.

Stella: Make me, bitch.

Me: *holds up a bar of chocolate*

Stella: Coming!

Byakuya: *watches Stella leave* Say, Rukia, what is her name?

Rukia: Who? Ray or her friend?

Byakuya: Her friend.

Ray: Oh, that's Stella. Stella Llwellyn.

Byakuya: Stella…hm…

Me: *walks back into the room with Stella, who is eating a bar of chocolate* okay, Jaz has agreed to drive us to the mall. RUKIA! ARE THEY AWAKE YET?

Rukia: ALMOST!

*Crashes and screams are heard from upstairs*

Me: *sweatdrops as Rukia comes running down the stairs dragging Renji and Ichigo*

Renji: Ack! Let go of my ea- oh! H-hello, Ray!

Me: Hello, Renji! How are you this morning?

Renji: I-I'm great! What about you?

Ichigo: *snickers* Renji's afraid of Ray~!

Renji: Am not!

Me: Renji?

Renji: Yes ma'am?

Me: Shut up.

Renji: But-

Me: *glares*

Renji: *pales*

Me: So, we're at the mall, and-

Rukia: ICHIGO GET YOUR ASS BACK OVER HERE!

Ichigo: MAKE ME YOU DAMN MIDGET!

Renji: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS PLACE?

Me: *sighs and blows whistle. Everybody stops yelling and fighting* okay. Now that that has been taken care of, why don't we all settle down. Let's rearrange the pairs. Renji, you come with me and Jaz. Byakuya, go with Stella. Orihime, you and Ichigo stick together. Okay?

*everyone begins arguing*

Me: Stella?

Stella: *begins shrieking at an extremely high pitch and volume. Everybody stops arguing*

Me: Thank you, darling.

Stella: Bitch, you owe me.

Me: *pulls out a candy bar* will this do?

Stella: uh…no

Me: *sighs* fine. *pulls out three candy bars*

Stella: yay!

Me: All right! Let's a go!

Me: *collapses on bed, panting* seven…hours…seven…freaking…hours….

Stella: well, I'm gonna go home now. I have to take care of Nathan and Heidi.

Me: Say hi to your mom for me.

Stella: Will do. Bye!

Rukia: *collapses on my bed* how does she do it?

Me: I don't know…*groans* at least we got all of our shopping done…

Mom: *walks in* Ray, I need you to walk the dog, and then clean the kitchen, and then….

Me: *sighs* well, I guess that's good bye for now!


End file.
